How to stop that little voice in your head controlling your life.
How many times do you hear the little voice in your head telling you to give up? Do you notice that some days its louder than others. Normally the bad days where everything was going well until one little thing happened, then the voice started berating you – ‘see?, I knew this would happen, you’re just not cut out for this. Why bother?’
This little voice has more to say when there are big changes going on in our lives. I remember going for interviews and instead of thinking I had done well and congratulating myself, the little voice said ‘I think I might have over sold myself. Oh god what if I get the job and they realise they made a massive mistake’. I am actually really good at interviews, and its true – I have worried in the past about over selling myself and then losing the job.
This voice is often based on fear – it knows us so well (because it is us!!) that it has the ability to pull on our deep seated insecurities and then totally over catastrophize something small to the point where you will just walk away to avoid the pain and hurt this could cause. You see this voice has the job of keeping us safe but its overly good at this job. It doesn't want us to get hurt or rejected or look stupid or feel uncomfortable.
There is another voice we hear sometimes. This one is our inner confidence. This voice might be quieter and we may struggle to hear it. If we can really tune into this one and listen to it then we can start to change how we feel on the inside. This one will say ‘I did really well in that interview.’ or ‘I look really nice’ but also it will speak to us when things aren't going well and this is probably the most important inner dialogue. Things like ‘ok so this hasn't gone so well but never mind, how can I solve this?’ ‘What are my options here’. ‘Who can I ask for advice?’, ‘What is the first thing to do here?’
This voice is non judgemental. Its encouraging. It offers us a sense of being understood and makes us feel safe.
Both voices are us.
It is sometimes hard to change how we speak to ourselves, especially if this is a learned behaviour and we've been doing this for a long time. The first step is to notice it. Act like an observer of your own mind. When you try something new are you telling yourself – ‘you’ve got this’ or ‘who do you think you are?’.
Once you notice it, try to reframe it. For example say you go to an exercise class for the first time and your inner critic is saying ' what are you doing here? You don't know the moves and you look silly' you can reframe this ' I am taking steps towards getting fitter, I am here to have fun and make new friends and I am going to enjoy this'
You could also get your inner cheerleader to come up with positive statements ahead of a situation like this. You could spend time writing some positive statements down.
One thing I love doing is visualising success – see it all working out to the best possible outcome.
When you have successfully navigated an event where you have silenced the inner critic, you should acknowledge this and really notice how this makes you feel. Do you feel more in control and more confident?
Think of your mindset like a muscle – it will take a while to train your brain to think positively and it might be something you have to constantly work on but the benefits are amazing.
Just imagine what you could achieve if you chose to listen to your inner cheerleader and silence your inner critic.